I’m feeling a little depressed lately. It’s not as bad as it sounds, though. My life is still fine, I think (ignoring the fact that it has not been completely started, just like what I wrote in the previous post). But….I’ve just….let a chance go from my hands….because I didn’t hold it tight enough! I was careless! I felt utterly stupid. I wouldn’t write the details here. Just let my brain kept it somewhere in the corner of my memory, because I still need to remember it so I remembered how stupid I was before and how a small careless action could create a huge, stupid mistake.
To make it short, I applied for a Waseda summer session this year. But because of something stupid, I wasn’t accepted. Bye, chance. Just when I thought that I could start my life sooner plus spending my summer in Tokyo!
I reminded my self not to repeat the same mistake again. Next time, which is next year, hopefully I’ll have another chance. I couldn’t afford to lose! Next time I’ll hold it tighter, be more careful, work harder, and pray more.
Next year will be my chance to apply for a student exchange in Tokyo Institute of Technology. I’m so excited even just by thinking about it 🙂 I have this desire to go to Japan since I was a Junior High School student. Whenever I think about Japan, I always think of something happy. And it simply makes me happy! Maybe because of the memories when I was a child, watching Japanese animation with my dearest people in my lovely home. And when I was reading Japanese comics and start imagining things and learn how to draw by myself. And when I idolized one Japanese singer and actor in a boyband that later brought me to a close friendship with my bestfriend!
It’s probably because of the good memories. I’m also feeling familiar with Japanese culture because of my likings. When I was accepted in Architecture major of international program at University of Indonesia, soon I will study abroad and that made me excited because I actually want to do that straight after graduating from high school. But my parents just didn’t let me.
At that time I was still thinking where to go—I have some countries that I want to try to live in. Germany, France, Austria, England, Japan… (there are more countries but mostly I don’t consider to live there, just traveling, hopefully someday). Then, I was looking for informations here and there until I got this one from Tokyo Institute of Technology. And I heard my heart says go for it. I had hesitation no more. Germany, France, others can wait. I have to go to Japan for this student exchange.
That’s how basically I decide where to start my life. It’s reasonable and intuitive at the same time, isn’t it? Of course I have reasons why I decide things, especially when it’s something important in my life. But at the same time, for me it’s rather amusing how I decide only in a matter of second (it’s based on the research that I’ve been doing in last holiday, of course). But I was like, “Okay! I’ve made up my mind I’ll go there next year!” and didn’t change my mind afterwards. I was like, I have made this decision and thought of it this way; “I want to do it and I have to do it. The next problems that will follow are just some obstacles in life. Of course there will be some risk in every decision. What’s wrong with that? I just have to deal with that. I want it so bad, I’m sure I can overcome those problems later.”
To be honest, I feel proud of my self! Hehehe. I used to be a person who’s afraid and worry too often, too much… (ehm, I’m actually still afraid of many things, and when I get worried I can think too deep and sink my self into the problem and that makes me feel a little bit depressed, which is not healthy).
But I do think I’ve improved now! And I like myself even more! 😀
Next year……..still long time to go…. shouganai, I’ll just have to be a little bit more patient. I’ll work harder. I’ll remember my short-term goal here to fire me up when I’m down.
shiawasesputnik 